The Voice That Starves

Understanding what an eating disorder truly feels like, or how it develops, is extremely difficult if you have never experienced it yourself. From the outside, it can be hard to grasp its complexity and the powerful psychological distortions that lie beneath it.

An eating disorder is painful. It is frustrating, exhausting and deeply draining.

The development of an eating disorder is usually a very gradual process. Those who are currently struggling, recovering or who have recovered often say they cannot fully understand how they reached that point. How did they move so quickly yet so unknowingly. From being a healthy person living a normal lifestyle to someone whose thoughts are constantly occupied by food… or rather, by what not to eat?

Many people share that they once watched documentaries or heard stories about eating disorders and wondered how someone could possibly do that to themselves. And yet, they now find themselves battling a relentless inner demon; cold, unforgiving and merciless.

Having an eating disorder is not simply about being painfully thin. It is about the thoughts and fears surrounding food. It is about labelling foods as “good” or “bad” and feeling intense fear about eating certain things. A person may have a completely normal weight and still be struggling with an eating disorder.

There is often a constant internal battle and fear of gaining weight. This may lead to severe restriction of food or attempts to compensate through excessive exercise. There may be rapid weight loss in a short period of time, alongside a distorted body image that continues to push the person toward losing more weight.

The mind becomes trapped in an endless loop of counting calories and focusing on the number on the scale.

Some individuals starve themselves and even feel a sense of achievement when they manage to go to sleep hungry because it means they resisted the urge to eat. Over time, they may forget what hunger truly feels like. Feeling cold all the time becomes normal. Blackouts may occur. Anxiety around food grows stronger.

Many people stop eating around others because they fear being judged for how much or how little they are eating.

Eating disorders often thrive in secrecy. Shame keeps people silent. They hide their struggle and slowly isolate themselves from others while battling their thoughts, their hunger and the relentless determination not to “give in” to food.

And then there is the voice. The critical, relentless voice that constantly whispers that they are not good enough. Not thin enough. Not beautiful enough. That they must weigh less. That they must try harder.

During the illness, silencing this voice can feel almost impossible. It takes over the mind and distorts thoughts so deeply that a person may feel guilty or “fat” even after something as simple as drinking a glass of water. This voice leaves people feeling helpless, exhausted and hopeless. Some convince themselves that there is nothing worthwhile about them and that punishing themselves through starvation is justified.

Working through an eating disorder is incredibly difficult. Recovery requires undoing deeply ingrained thought patterns, challenging that critical voice and relearning something many of us take for granted; how to feel hunger and how to nourish the body.

Eating disorders do not only affect young girls. They can affect anyone. Children, adolescents, adults, males, females; people of all ages and backgrounds can struggle with eating disorders. Through my work in schools and my very own eating disorder journey, I have gained insight into how young people think about body image. What I have seen is deeply concerning. The number of individuals struggling with eating disorders continues to rise. One of the most life-threatening mental health conditions is becoming increasingly common and that is frightening.

So if you are struggling with an eating disorder or if you know someone who might be, please reach out for help. Support is vital. Lives may quite literally be at stake. Recovery is not easy, but it is possible. Having a professional accompany you through that journey can make all the difference. The path may be difficult but healing can happen.

Nothing is impossible when it is supported by perseverance, courage and the will to get better. If you would like to read further take a look at our Therapeutic Tools section for more information.