When Darkness Feels Endless

Dawn is breaking. The world is getting ready to start a brand new day.

I, on the other hand, have just been through a sleepless night.

My pillow is wet with tears. My head hurts, my eyes are puffy and I am exhausted. I have not stopped crying. This heavy feeling in my chest will not go away. I have been sad for about three weeks now. I have no inclination to eat. I cannot go to work and I definitely do not want to meet people.

All I want to do is stay in bed, curled up in a fetal position under the covers.

I know my family is worried about me. I haven’t left my room for a while now. I stopped going to the gym. I stopped calling or meeting friends and I am on the verge of losing my job.

But what can I do?

I feel helpless and worthless. I am convinced that the people around me do not think much of me, and neither do I. My family keeps pushing me to seek help but I do not want to do that either. What for? Who can help me?

It feels like a vicious circle and I am caught right in the middle of it.

Meanwhile, I try to put myself to sleep before the thoughts flood my mind. Before the sadness tightens its grip on my chest. Before I start crying for the umpteenth time.

People suffering from depression are not lazy or capricious. Depression is debilitating. It can make even the simplest tasks feel impossible, often leading a person to withdraw and isolate themselves from family and friends.

When someone is in the depths of depression, they cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel. Reaching out for help becomes extremely difficult because feelings of helplessness and worthlessness can be overwhelming. Many people retreat into their beds and allow life to pass them by.

As depression deepens, some individuals may begin to think about death. The emptiness they feel inside can become so profound that they believe nothing will ever change their situation. This is often the moment when family members step in and seek help for their loved one.

There are several ways support can be accessed. A General Practitioner (GP) is often the first point of contact. They may refer the person to a psychiatrist for further assessment and to a therapist for ongoing emotional support. Therapy, however, works best when the person experiencing depression is willing to receive help and engage in the process of recovery.

Depression can affect anyone. There is no specific age or time when it appears. It can creep in quietly and unexpectedly, gradually overshadowing everyday life. Recognizing that help is needed is often the first step towards recovery.

Medication may sometimes be prescribed. This does not mean a person will rely on it for the rest of their life. In some cases it is temporary and even when it is longer term, there should be no shame in taking medication for mental health just as there is no shame in taking medication for a physical illness. Lifestyle changes may also be encouraged to support healing and wellbeing.

Very often, families also benefit from attending therapy. It can help them understand depression and learn how to support their loved one while caring for themselves as well. Sometimes I meet families who are exhausted and overwhelmed by their own sense of helplessness. I truly empathize with them because this is what depression does. It does not only affect the person suffering from it ; it affects everyone around them. The whole family needs strength, patience, and hope.

And finally, to the person suffering from depression:

Wipe your tears.
Get out of bed and step into the sunlight.

I know it feels incredibly hard right now but deep within you there is a strength that has not disappeared. It is simply hidden. Look around you and notice the beauty that still exists in the world. If you cannot fully appreciate it yet, that is okay. Simply make a mental note of it.

Believe that someday you can be free.
You can smile again.
You can breathe again.
And you can move forward.

Remember ... If today feels unbearably heavy, remember that feelings are not permanent. With support, patience and compassion, the weight of depression can slowly begin to lift.”